Want (Selfishness)

I have gotten some things that I wanted. I have not gotten some others.
I wanted to act. I wanted to spend later afternoons and a large part of my evenings in a hot classroom repeating lines and actions over and over, periodically begging the cleaner to please just wait a while longer and lock up some other classrooms first, to give ourselves more time. I wanted to spend what little free time I had and have crying in frustration but laughing with my friends as well, ad smiling shyly at the ground so they wouldn't be able to tell that while they were getting worked up, I was still in Zen mode. Because that was what I wanted. I wanted to get up in front of an audience of strangers and friends and anybody and anything who would listen and watch what I wanted to tell them. And then as a little bonus I wanted to hear the roaring clapping at the end of it all, grin maniacally while bowing amidst all that awe.
I didn't get it.
I wanted to be the good girl. The one who could do no wrong, the one who always did her homework and brushed her teeth and studied hard and slept early and... All of that.
I didn't get it.
I wanted to be famous. I wanted to seem sexy and appealing, I wanted people to know that I, yes I, was the foreground and everybody else was background. I wanted to sing and dance and write and be beloved by all because surely the fleeting love of strangers was worth something?
Now I am wondering what I have gotten. Really. At the end of the day, nothing much in partiular.
But that's just from my view.