Fool Again

I admit that too long I have used lies as excuses, tried to fool people around me. Try to make them believe I am more than all I really am because maybe that's what I wanted in the first place. But I haven't become that imaginary alter-ego who owns the life I want to live. I haven't managed it because it takes a strong will to face the music and I haven't got one of those either.
Occasionally I take a break from lying and begin spouting various words that sometimes impress people but I realize more often irritate them. Perhaps that's a self-deprecatory comment but I'd like to believe that by sometime soon I will be able to make a statement out clear that I mean fully, with no hidden meanings shyly staying undercover. Incognito. Beneath the sound waves of my voice float so many layers of meanings. And when you begin lying you don't stop so all you do eventually is confuse your lies with the truth.
There is a certain pity in my own gaze when I glance in the mirror. It is the kind of pity one uses when looking at someone who has only been trying to fool herself.