Tumbling Down

There is no longer any time to learn to forgive and forget and to be the impossibly nice people always able to see a situation "from someone else'a shoes" to figure out the best possible solution. There is no longer any time to wonder about the things that did not happen, nor about the things that did. There is only time to move on and past; and those who struggle to do so will only end up falling behind. No other competitor in this race is about to slow down to make you feel better. There is only time to assume innocence that it's not possible for everyone to claim truthfully, time to tell yourself it's not your fault, that nothing you could or could not have done would have made the slightest difference. In the end the outcome would have been the same. It would have been the musty, gradual sinking in, forced acceptance of the truth that sometimes your best isn't good enough. Sometimes your worst isn't even bad enough to call yourself hopeless so they give up on you. 
It makes it worse that this time round you had the audacity to hope. You believed with the kind of fierceness only denial will supply you. You built yourself a palace wall to watch the results from and now you are hiding behind in because with every celebratory firework they seem to be setting off it's like five arrows aimed towards your heart. You can even feel the arrows just barely missing, singeing past the surface of your skin. Sometimes they don't miss but after hours of minutes of torture you don't feel that anymore.  

Or perhaps you just wish you didn't.